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2010-08-07 | Journal | The War of Art : Not Like

I hiked up to the top of the hill/mountain today and read The War of Art. My conclusion is that it is quite likely that an artist is as he describes. I think he is full of it, though. I don't really believe in angels, or even something that comes close. Although I have many bouts of superstition, I believe it is a weakness of mine, not a trait. I am so happy that I got to read Freud yesterday. It really provides meat where Pressfield just feels like fluff. Pressfield likes Jung. Oh, I've enjoyed Jung in the past, but now I'm very skeptical. In fact, I'm about ready to toss out many, many things and start anew. I am not an artist! My ego is just fine. I need to live. There is no value to displacing this or feeling overly guilty about it. I know there is conflict. I know there is a ton under the surface. I know that the conflict, my various instabilities that arise out of this conflict, I do know that I am the most creative during these times. I'm not sure what that means, though. Perhaps I'm just compelled by various aspects of my psyche that are necessarily in conflict. I walked back from the hill/mountain (it was more than a hill, but not really a mountain) and remembered eyes-in-skull. I am walking with my eyes looking outside of my skull and aware of what I'm doing. There is nothing odd about this. I perceive the world around me. I'm conscious of it. True, I have impulses and zombie reflexes. I have deep reactions to the oddest things. Smells can make me flash back in time. I can think about a time and smell things. I can coax preconscious thoughts into my conscious eyes-in-skull mind. I can change my behavior to fit something that I don't fully understand where my super-ego wraps back in to my unconscious. This is all fine. I read an interesting bit in a Steve Martin autobiography. He and a friend were talking about the difference between psychoanalysis and art. With psychoanalysis you hold on to what you learn. With art you let it go. So, then, if that is true, I have another piece of evidence that I'm not an artist. Oh, I have a lot of creative work left. I'm working on it now. But I'm going to claim any insight, every keyword, every metaphor, every reflection. I'm going to weave it in to my story, into my being. I'm going to force my eyes-in-skull mind, my ego, and perhaps even my conscious mind to look at it. See!!! See there! This is what is stirring underneath. Beware! Change! Live!

Beware. Hrmph. Be aware. Yes. I saw this on my walk:

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Tuesday, 2018-08-14 07:59:37 : Yvette shared this book with me prior to me going to Leavenworth for our family reunion. It was important to her and inspired her. I wrote about this and posted it and she read it. She told me she wish she hadn't shared it with me and that she felt attacked. I regret this. I was insensitive and self-centered.

yvette eyes_in_skull

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2020-09-15: 2nd Place Turn
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2020-09-14: Peace of Mind
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